As a Divorce mediator I wear many hats when helping you and your spouse work through the terms of your divorce. Besides being a neutral party (blog 1) and a idea generator (blog2) I also provide a safe place where you and your soon to be ex can negotiate the terms of your divorce. In a litigated divorce there is usually a great deal of unnecessary conflict between spouses- many times brought on by or fueled by each parties Attorneys.
While I firmly believe there is an appropriate place for attorneys in the divorce process (Blog post coming soon) during mediation I find that many attorneys can interrupt and disturb the process- sometimes with good intentions. My experience has been that clients in mediation who go to the mediation alone and then share and discuss the outcome of mediation with their attorney- have more productive mediation & usually end up with much better outcomes.
Also when you are in mediation you are given all the time necessary to reach an acceptable conclusion on the many very distinct & important areas of your future life that you are not afforded when you take your issues to a divorce court judge.
Many people and their attorneys believe that by letting a judge hear and decide for you they will have a better outcome. This is under the assumption that as a divorcing spouse you are “completely in the right & the other side is completely in the wrong” and if you get your “day in court with a judge” the judge will completely agree with you. Judges usually don’t make decisions that way.
Judges will look at the provable facts of a case and make a decision based on how the law reads. Sometimes that may be an outcome that is completely in your favor – but often it is not. The key thing to understand is that when you hand your future over to a judge you are hoping for an outcome that is exactly what you want it to be. The big problem with this is you are gambling with your case outcome and now you lose control of your future.
When you work with an experienced divorce mediator in a mediated divorce you have a lot more control over the outcome and avoid the risk of having your future decided for you. If you hand that decision making power over to a judge and they do not see your point of view the same way you do, you have now lost control of your divorce and may end up with decisions on your future that are now forced upon you by a judges ruling.
Mediation keeps the power of all divorce decisions with the divorcing spouses and allows you to be creative in coming up with decisions and plans for your families future that fit with each of your needs. In divorce mediation neither side wins or loses but both sides can finish the divorce with an outcome that is both acceptable to each of them, amd more importantly- an outcome that is in the collective best interests of your family.
As a divorcé mediator I help you stay in control of your future and enable you to have a less stressful, more impactful end to your marriage that is in both of your best interests. When you go through a divorce using mediation you maintain control and an acceptable outcome and you do not give up that control hoping a third party judge will see things your way. Divorce Mediation gives you both freedom and power to decide your future and the future of your family.
